Bipolar, the dark fairy tale

forest-696838__340I loved fairy tales when I was younger. I loved that there was always a knight in shining armour and a princess who was rescued. I loved the thought of kingdoms and palaces and woods and forest animals. I lived vicariously through these stories.

I am the princess who was misunderstood and banished from the kingdom. I am the fair maiden who wonders the dark woods. I am the girl who lives with the forest animals. I am brave and beautiful. I am gentle and kind. I feel sad. I am alone.

Then one day a knight in shining armour discovers me lying in a bed of woodland flowers. Immediately he falls deeply in love with me. He rescues me. He kisses me and brings me back to life. He lifts me onto his magnificent white stallion and we speed through the woods into his bright, glorious kingdom. His people receive me with open arms and they fall in love with me too. I become a gracious queen and he becomes a fearless warrior.

castle-973157__340
There is a castle

He slays dragons and fights off evil emperors. He conquers every challenge he faces. He is fierce, he is mighty, yet he is loving and fair. We live happily ever after.

His powerful love for me and my undying commitment to him is always the great force. Oh how I wished that this was true for me!

But, actually it is; –

I have wandered the black woods afraid and alone

Many times

Darkness I know as I know fear

Frightened I trample the brown mossy paths, entangled

Senses heightened I hear every sound, shadows

Dark, dense, blind, I don’t see

But brave, I am

Banished but brave

I fall down, tired, tears

Shadows grow but then fragments of light

Shards above the tree tops

Fade, grow, fade, illuminate

I grasp the brightness it pierces me

Pain I love, I feel, I know

Alive, awaits the stallion, I ride

Muscles ripple, strength, movement

I have become the stallion

Nostrils flare towards my kingdom

I am the prince, I am the maiden

I am all the good and bad I am

The kingdom I know embracing me

Around me people, I talk I am goodness

Light is mine I dance

Too much, I swirl, no grace

Red flares prick my soul, no blood

Conquer the kingdoms taking spoils to moss

I trample wildly snared by thorns

I become the darkness

Banished is me

Again

I am warrior, I am maiden, I am stallion, I am warrior, I am maiden, I am lost, I see light

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